Friday, April 22, 2011

Mission: Holland

While Crazy Jim and I were coming out of the brewery (before we headed to Man Camp), I received the best offer I'd seen in a long time:
For the first time ever, the Netherlands Board of Tourism and Conventions (NBTC), KLM Royal Dutch Airlines (KLM) and Amsterdam Airport Schiphol (Schiphol) have created a 10-City Bike Tour of Holland using KLM’s iconic ceramic blue houses as inspiration for the trail! And now we’re on the search for two incredible duos to bike their way through Holland, serving as travel hosts and sharing their experiences online with our thousands of fans across the globe!

Could two of YOUR readers at The Clydesdale Project have what it takes to bike through Holland’s authentic towns and countryside? We’re looking for entries that showcase engaging on-air personalities, prove the team’s adept biking ability, and of course, demonstrates a passion for Holland! Audition videos can be uploaded and entered via Holland or KLM’s Facebook pages starting today through May 1, so please encourage your readers to enter this unique trip of a lifetime and upload their audition video today!
We will announce the two winning biking teams and how your readers can follow their adventures (and win special prizes just for watching!) in mid-May, so be on the lookout for a second announcement in a few weeks!

CJ and I pretty instantly thought that we should go for this.  Yes, we were at the brewery and strangely kept pronouncing it "Hooland", not "Holland", but we were getting pretty serious about this.  Our chances of getting picked were pretty good.

We are both better-looking than most men and would therefore attract the female viewers worldwide.  He is a tech expert who could handle the skyping, syncing, filming, tweeting, facebooking, etc.  He also can fix anything...a good guy to have on a long trip.  Though he doesn't ride very often, he is foolishly willing to sign up for any race or challenge and just plows forward into the challenge.

My talents?  Well, I can talk...into a mic, on video, interviewing the local natives, etc.  And I've been on the bike quite a bit lately and am also up for a fun challenge.  (Note: "riding a century" still does not seem like a "fun challenge" to me).

So, we decided to go for it. 
We texted our friend who is a director of short films and recruited her.
We contacted our friend Yvonne who is from The Netherlands and told her we would need her help.
We didn't tell my wife...better get a few more plates spinning before I break it to her.
We started outlining our audition video.
We started discussing what we knew about Holland...and realized we were the products of the U.S. public educational system and knew nothing about this region.

These were the questions we asked each other as we drove home from Man Camp:
Crazy Jim:  Where is Holland?
Big Clyde:  What are The Netherlands?
Crazy Jim:  What language do they speak there?
Big Clyde:  Could it be Dutch?
Crazy Jim:  Like "Danish"?  What's Danish?  Like the pastry?
Big Clyde:  No, Danish is kind of like Denmark.
Crazy Jim:  But "Dutch" is like "Deutch"...like "Deutchland"...that's Germany.  So...where are we?
Big Clyde:  I hope we don't meet up with any Belgians.  I don't care for them.  They all smoke and they talk really loudly...at least that's my impression based on the two Belgians I've met.
Crazy Jim:  Wait, where is St. Pauli girl from?  Is she in Holland?
Big Clyde:  Don't people from Holland wear the wooden shoes?  Will it give us plantar fascitis?  Not good for the bikes either.

When I got home, we had our family dinner and I broke the news.  Mrs. Clyde was very encouraging, though a bit disappointed that I didn't want to do the trip with her as much as I did Crazy Jim.  Later that night, we looked into the details. 

And discovered that the winners are going to be chosen soon and the bike tour begins in about a month and neither one of us can pull it all together that quickly.  Reluctantly, we will have to bow out of this one. 

(cue sad Hollandian music).

8 comments:

The Turtle said...

Sorry you can't go - no fun at all! My geography knowledge is right up there with yours - stupid schools.

Tri4Success said...

Framed properly, that conversation itself would have made a great audition video! Sorry you can't go.

Kimberley said...

As a Dutch woman I am shocked and appalled! ;-)

At least now I know where my plantar fasciitis came from.

This sounds like it will be so fun for whoever wins...too bad it couldn't have been you and Crazy Jim.

RockStarTri said...

Do you have to wear wooden shoes?

Clive Chapman said...

Now you see, all you did there was reinforced the Global view that the average American does not appreciate that a world exists outside of the good ole' US of A.

I know it's not true, but c'mon, don't play to the audience! :-)

What a great comp though! Wish I'd known of it! Holland is a great place!

Bruce said...

That would have been hilarious! I wish you guys could have pulled it off.

Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

You had me going there. Would have been fun. Perhaps you could vblog from Holland, MI?

Mrs. Johnson said...

That is too bad!!! Hopefully you can do this next year!! I am happy to prep you, by teaching you some Dutch and giving you some tips about The Netherlands!